I’ll Need London Digs For My Westminster Seat:
I’ll have to find digs in London for when I win my seat at Westminster on June the 8th..
Anyone got ideas? I thought about moving in with a Mrs T. May in Downing Street, I’m certain she’d be a good landlady. Suggested to me by a BBC news presenter.
Ed Says: “Mrs May might not be living there for much longer.”
Gordon Says: “Where’s she going Ed?”
Ed Says: “Never mind Gordon, it’s uncertain, but it’s a very slum area, with seedy journalists, including BBC News, loitering around most days trying to gain entry to the houses, and bawling and shouting continuously at the residents. Proper yobs.”
Gordon Says: “You mean a street of ill repute Ed? With unscrupulous looking people coming and going all the time, and shady deals being done at all hours of the day and night? Maybe you’re right, I’ll find somewhere better. Somewhere more suitable?”
Ed Suggests: “Why not try your own cousin Gordon? She must have spare rooms, now that her family are grown up and moved on.”
Gordon Says: “I could just walk up to the gates and shout, couldn’t I, if it’s what they do in London I mean?”
Ed Says: “Go for it Gordon, but knock on the door instead, and ask nicely.”
Gordon Says: “Something like – ‘Hello Liz. I need digs, and Ed and I were just thinking that Buckingham Palace must be a bit big for you and Phil now. Do you think you could spare me a room with bed and breakfast? En suite would be nice, if it’s within my budget? Otherwise a broom cupboard, or similar, would suffice’.”
Ed Sighs: “You wouldn’t live in a broom cupboard Gordon.”
Gordon Says: “I’m living in one already Ed. Without a suitable bath or shower.”
Ed Further Suggests: “Perhaps a tent? Or a house boat? Or just sleep rough, and wash in the Thames?”
Gordon says: “Bye Ed.”